Castles in the Air, Ilana Waters {$2.99 or borrow FREE w/ Prime!}

Ten-year-old Wikkley McStag and his family are born farmers, happy to work the land. But then they—and other royal subjects—are forced to buy strange, useless machines. Money starts running out. Now the McStags have two days before they lose their farm. As the eldest child, Wikkley must journey to the palace and ask for the king’s help. His loved ones only hope his reckless nature won’t get him in trouble once he’s there!

When Wikkley arrives at the palace, he finds an unnecessary castle being built right into the sky. The same thing is happening in a neighboring kingdom. When royal foolishness leads to disaster, it’s up to Wikkley to save several lives. Will his recklessness finally come in handy? Or will it mean the end of his family, his farm, and possibly . . . his life?

From the fantasy world of THE ADVENTURES OF STANLEY DELACOURT, Ilana Waters brings you another alternate-medieval adventure. If you like Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, don’t miss meeting Wikkley McStag!

(This novella is approximately 21,000 words, or 70 pages).

What readers are saying:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Magical Adventure! March 3, 2013
By Helene
Wikkley McStag is an honest, hard-working boy, determined to save his family’s farm. It’s easy to sympathise with his his innocent, ever-optimistic view of the world. This is a magical, quirky, fast-paced read and I’m sure readers of all ages will love it!

5.0 out of 5 stars An Adventure for All Ages February 26, 2013
By Diba
This book is appropriate for any age group even though it’s geared toward young adults. It is really an enjoyable read for all ages! The main character is a young man with a lot of love and heart and you end up rooting for him from beginning to end. The author gives a good amount of background as to how Hartlandia came about. Excellently written!

5.0 out of 5 stars A wonderful fairytale!, February 21, 2013
By Dr. S. Drecker – See all my reviews
My kids (5+7) loved this story! It starts out with a nice farmer boy, who only wants to help his family. So he travels into the wide world, totally unaware of what he’s about to get himself into. His ‘simple’ and practical way of looking at things bring him from one humorous situation into another. My kids laughed and cheered for him the whole way.

And when he reaches his goal, the king, things really get silly. Even when the story was done, my children continued to ask questions as to why the kings did what they did. They really got into this imaginary world.

The main character is easy to relate to and it’s a pure joy to accompany him on his adventures. This is definitely a story we’re going to read a second…a third… several times. 

The average Amazon reader review rating is currently 5 stars, with 5 reviews.

Click here to read more about and purchase Castles in the Air for $2.99 or borrow FREE w/ Prime!

Humorous Lines and Clever Interjections for Contemporary Flirting, Matt Upward {$2.99 or Borrow FREE w/Prime}

 

After so many years of social interaction you have common sayings you gravitate to quite often. You have your “can’t argue with that” line. Your “you need to get out more” line. Your “I call it like I see it” line. You find no reason in brushing up on your humor when “that’s what she said” interjections win over social circles just fine. Performing a stand-up routine is not something on your list of things to try this year and you are kind of past the “I’m going to be overly outgoing” shtick, yet the charming nature of being quick-witted is something you and the rest of us still find appealing.

In comes a collection of a couple hundred phrases and words that is not exactly a how-to book. In fact it was never meant to be a book at all. Years ago, a very good looking young gentleman, going by the pseudonym Upward, started noting remarks he found inherently playful and somewhat common in conversation for only his personal use, until recently when he decided to pack them up, add examples, and share them with the self-improving public. They are phrases to laugh at. Most of them you will recognize. Now you will have the lines in your metaphorical back pocket to nonchalantly pull out when needed. In essence, a manual to ease your l’esprit de l’escalier. Socially potent fire, if you will.

What readers are saying:

“Upward made a useful and hilarious book for every dilemma you may run into.”

“A very convenient and modern day social interaction guide for people like me who could use a little punch in the sentence.”

“Whether you are in the office or at a party….no line will ever escape you!”

The average Amazon reader review rating is currently 3.9 stars, with 9 reviews.

Click here to read more about and purchase Humorous Lines and Clever Interjections for Contemporary Flirting for $2.99 or Borrow FREE w/Prime at Amazon 

THE FRUGAL FIND OF THE DAY: THE FATHERS WE FIND, Charles P. Ries {$0.99}

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Charles P. Ries’s Frugal Find Under Nine:

Description of THE FATHERS WE FIND:

Set amidst the farm fields and rolling hills of Southeastern Wisconsin, THE FATHERS WE FIND is a coming-of-age story that takes place between 1950 and 1971. This novel based on memory closely parallels the experiences of its author who grew up on a mink farm just outside of Sheboygan, Wisconsin. Drowning in a sea of nuns, priests, and hard-working church-goers, “Chuck,” our narrator, stumbles his way to enlightenment with help from a series of delightful men in a journey that is simultaneously hilarious, poignant, and nostalgic.

Following his father’s funeral, we find Chuck, a middle-aged man, sitting on the back porch of his parents’ farm home trying to remember, “how he got here, to this place.” His reflections take him back to his earliest memory, and his first job, at four years of age and the reward he would receive for becoming a little man. From there we find Chuck’s mother praying that God make her first-born child a soldier in His army. Which He does. God follows that up by making five more of Helen and Carl’s children recruits in His holy arsenal, causing parishioners to wonder if Helen and Carl might carry some sort of vocational virus. For some, this virus is a reason to draw near in hope of infection, and for others—well, it prompts them to run.

 

Accolades:

“Charles Ries’ novel The Father’s We Find reminds me of Frank McCourt’s (Angela’s Ashes, “Tis, Teacher Man) memoirs with their keen attention to character and strong voice. Ries’ characters’ voices are ring loud and clear, I can hear them calling, long after putting the book down. When I read a novel that resonates with my experiences, one wrought with so much care and detail, I know that this is a winner. When characters follow me for days after reading, when I’m sad to see the story end, I know this is true.” 

Karl Huston
Author of Inventory of Lost Things
Winner of Main Street Rag Poetry Book Competition

“Few authors capture the narrative voice with the perfect balance of self-deprecating humor and poignant insight that Charles Ries brings to THE FATHERS WE FIND. Ries’ account of a small-town farm boy set against the backdrop of the Civil Rights Movement and the Vietnam War combines humor and heart to create a truly remarkable novel. The narrator stumbles his way to enlightenment with help from a series of delightful men in a journey that is hilarious and nostalgic.”

Camille N. Cline
Editor / The Literary Spa
Acquisitions Editor / Taylor Trade Publishing

“As promised, I read your book on this last trip. Read it in two nights, very late nights. That should tell you how much I liked it. You’re an incredibly good writer. I don’t, however, think it’s a novel; it’s a memoir and an excellent one. Maybe your saying “A Novel From Memory” really means memoir? Also, memoirs are supposed to be really hot now in the publishing field, so why not take advantage of the timing? I think this book is every bit as good as the James Herriott (English veterinarian) best-selling books, which are fabulous. I can actually see yours as a movie.”

Ellaraine Lockie
Author of Finishing Lines
Recipient of Six Pushcart Nominations
Winner of Over 60 Poetry Awards

“Charles Ries’ story of his youth and family life is full of colorful characters, evocative details, episodes both harrowing and humorous, and subtle wisdom. Every family – every life – should have a chronicler as honest, clear-eyed, and loving as Charles Ries.”

Larry Watson
Author of Montana 1948 + five other novels
Professor at Marquette University

I just finished your book. My heart is still warm from the “afterglow” of your book. You have me filled with the thoughts of those lessons that we all learn when we don’t really know we’re learning them. I did not know I was reading a great book until I was silently yanked in by the characters—and then I looked back and wondered how I got there. I read the last page three times—the first time as it flowed, second time for you and the third time for me. I always know a good book not only because it speaks directly to me, but also because I listen. I had to ponder a bit before closing the back cover. Now I need to know when you are going to publish, because I can’t wait to share it with friends—I already know who I want to give it to.

Tracy Weyers / Green Bay, WI


Reviews:

THE FATHERS WE FIND currently has a customer review rating of 5 stars from 5 reviews. Read the reviews here.

 

THE FATHERS WE FIND is available for purchase at:

Amazon Kindle for $0.99

 

An excerpt from THE FATHERS WE FIND:

Beyond the predictability of my father’s work and prayer habits, there was one ritual he performed without fail. He blessed our beds. Each night after he’d washed and prayed, he’d come up to the two bedrooms on the second level of our home and make the sign of the cross over his children as they lay sleeping. Carrying a small glass bottle with a cross etched on the front, he sprinkled us with holy water. In his mind, he was showering us with a protective blanket of grace that would fill our room with angels and hover over us until morning. Most nights I was already fast asleep when he made his rounds, but on occasion just as sleep neared, I would feel a drop of holy water fall on my face or hand. It was a good feeling. An act of love that made the night safe. This rite of passage into the night was as sure as the sun rising in the morning. He’d silently come into the room I shared with my three brothers and bless our two beds. My father’s world was built on routines and rituals. They kept his feet on the ground. They made the world a safe predictable place for him and for us. In these silent acts of kindness he extended his heart. These were the hugs and kisses he never shared with us. Through this twilight ritual he came as close to touching our souls as he ever would and ever did.

HOLY WATER

I’d go through the same routine every time I visited. I’d tell him I loved him and then sit in silence looking at him. Waiting for him to say something. I wanted to run, but I owed it to him to stay there and say the words. He had earned at least that much respect. I repeated, “Dad, I love you,” one final time and saw what I thought was a trickle of tears coming from his eyes as he sat hunched and strapped in his wheelchair, unable to talk, his body shaking uncontrollably. I wasn’t sure if what I saw was the disease or a moment of real feeling. I had long given up on him, but still held out for a sign. I waited for the feelings buried deep within him to finally come out and breathe the same air with me.

As tears rolled down his cheeks I was certain I had finally seen him. I was certain that the curtain of his disease had parted for a moment and he was sharing something real with me. The view made me pity him all the more, but I could not reach down and find tears for him. I had stopped crying years ago. I would not weep for him now.

After a series of small strokes and following the administration of the Last Rites, he mercifully died. His eighty-eight year life was over. “What am I to feel? How am I to be? It’s my father, who just died.” But I felt nothing. He had taught me well. I now had a firm grip on my feelings. They were stored a million miles away where they could do me no harm.
______________________________________

My father was not a warm and fuzzy kind of guy, my brother Joe began his eulogy. He wasn’t a very playful person – he taught us how to work and all of my brothers and sisters know how to do that very well. I’ve learned some things are more important than being able to tell a good story or being able to entertain friends — things like integrity, sincerity, decency — in other words, faithfulness to one’s beliefs.

I waited for something to open me up. For some sweet memory to find me and send me my tears, but nothing came. I was still angry with him. Angry that I had to shut myself down. Angry that I couldn’t remember him hugging or comprehending me. I had no connection with this man other than the holy water he sprinkled on my bed each night.

Every Tuesday night and often on Sunday, my dad would go to St. Vincent de Paul meetings and then would go out to visit and help families in need. My dad wasn’t a do-gooder though because that implies superficiality. What he did, he did from his heart. He did what he did because of a deeply held belief that it was just the right thing to do.

As my brother continued, I stopped listening. I withdrew and looked forward to the after burial luncheon and drinking a few Brandy Old Fashions to my old man, the best minker that ever lived.

WHEN MEMORIES BEGIN

With closed eyes, I reached back and searched for my memories. The meaning of who I had become would be discovered by carefully remembering these building blocks of my nature.

A series of snap shots, smells, colors and dreams passed before me – the mysterious pieces of a boy on verge of becoming. Splashing in a puddle created by a late August storm with my younger brother. Feeling the close quarters of my dad’s 1949 Buick as the nine of us crowd together enroute to my Uncle’s for Easter Sunday dinner. Abducting my aunt’s poppy seed tort from the desert table and carrying it into a near by clothes closet so I could have all its creamy goodness to myself and then crying hysterically as my mother discovered me and liberated my friend from my intoxicated fingers.

Snap shots. Fragments of memory.

Green farm fields. The chirping of my father’s mink after weaning and the smell of pelting season. Snow forts, ice-skating in the swamp and my mother’s garden with its raspberries, strawberries, rhubarb and vegetables. The smell of bread baking in the kitchen. A world of constancy nestled in the heart of Wisconsin.

Our red brick house that stood next to my grandparent’s cream brick home. And next to our home my uncle’s and just thirty feet further south my aunt’s. We’d laughed and called it Riesville. Four homes along a black top country road populated with seventeen children and eight adults. The only things that ever changed were the weather, the seasons and our ages.

It felt as if we had always been here. My ancestors homesteaded this land 1810. Fresh off boat from Austria, my great great grandfather bought his stake in America. Two more generations of dairy farmers followed and then came my father who would raise mink rather then dairy cattle. Hard working, church going, frugal men and women who made good use of their time on earth.

The earliest days of my life were without surprise or pain. There was nothing to distinguish one day from the other. Until my eyes started to open and as natural as life itself, I began to see. And the life I remember began.
_______________

“Chucky, is the mail truck here yet?” my mother called from the kitchen.

“Not yet. I’m watching,” I called back. My nose pressed against the window that looked north toward my grandparent’s house. Their home, and Riesville’s large postal box, stood beneath an Oak Tree whose branches reached like protecting arms over the sky blue roof and soft yellow brick exterior of their house.

“Well, it’ll be here in a minute or two,” she replied.

I was old enough for my first chore. At four years old I was big enough to find a place in the factory of my father’s farm.

“I can see it! I see the mail truck,” I shouted as I raced through the kitchen and out the back door, running with short urgent strides. Propelling myself along a foot worn path that carried me and a procession of mail collectors before me through a sparse orchard of crab apple trees toward the mailbox into which all of the mail destined for Riesville was placed.

“You must be the new delivery boy?” a voice called to me from the mail truck.

“Yes sir. It’s my job.”

“Think you can carry all this stuff? You’re just a little guy,” I heard the voice say as a tanned arm reached out of the side window and placed the day’s news, bills and letters into my out stretched arms.

It was the commencement of my working life. It was the day I became a little man.

“Well look who’s here,” I heard my grandmother Mary say as I opened the screen door leading to her kitchen. “So, you’re in charge now, huh?” she said in her thick German accent.

“I’m in charge of mail,” I replied, holding the overflow bundle. Hugging it and making sure not one item escaped my embrace.

“I see that. Well you just put the mail there on the table and sit down,” she said pointing to the chair where she wanted her grandson to sit. “You look hungry. You have three more houses to go before lunchtime. You need some apple pie,” she said in a way that always sounded like an order.

“Grandma, I have mail to deliver now,” I tried to explain, letting her know I knew my job.

“You will. But first you get some pie. You work. You eat. Little men have to eat,” she said placing a wedge of pie in front of me from one of the four she’d set on the table to cool. It was my diploma to manhood – a quarter-pan-man-sized certificate of achievement. As I sat and took a fork full of the warm treat, I realized I wouldn’t complete my route until I’d finished her pie. As I ate, she talked to me in her short matter-of-fact sentences. “God gave us a good day. A good day for picking raspberries and canning tomatoes,” she said as she sorted the mail, not looking up until she had placed the day’s delivery onto four neat piles. She tied each pile with a piece of butcher’s twine and then took a long admiring look at the young man sitting at her table and nodded affirmatively, mentally noting that he was right on track to becoming a good, productive little Ries. Her gift of pie was God smiling on my life.

As I neared the end of my sweet tribute the phone rang, “Yes, Chucky’s here. Sure, he’ll have plenty of room for lunch. He’s busy with grandma now. We’re talking. We have business to do. He’ll be home soon. He has mail to deliver,” she said to my mother who’d called wondering where the new mail carrier had disappeared. With my plate now spotless, I got up and received an uncharacteristic hug from my grandmother and resumed my route. She’d laid the three bundles of mail in my arms, “you get moving now. Your mom’s got your lunch waiting. Scoot.”

I bounded out of the kitchen and saw my grandfather Peter coming up the gravel road that lead to the carpenter-shop, “better get moving Chucky, everyone’s wondering if the mailman thought you were a letter and mailed you to Green Bay.”

“Okay grandpa, I’m moving now. Grandma had pie for me.”

“I’m sure of that,” he said as he watched me make my way back along the path, through orchard and over a wide mowed field where we played softball.

I walked the final hundred yards to the far end of Riesville where I delivered my aunt’s and then my uncle’s mail. Knocking on each door, handing the bundle through the opening to a, “thanks Chucky, you want to stay for lunch.”

“Nope. I had pie at grandma’s. Now I have to get home for lunch,” I said as I sped back across the softball field and entered the kitchen where my six siblings were already half way through with their meal.

“All done?” my mother asked.

“Yup, done for this day.”

Well, take a seat and have some lunch or did Grandma fill you full of pie?” she said, seeing the telltale sign of early desert on the corners of my mouth and clinging to the front of my shirt.

It was my first day of work and my life’s first memory.

 

THE FATHERS WE FIND is available for purchase at:

Amazon Kindle for $0.99

 

Connect with Charles P. Ries:

Author Website: www.charlespries.com

THE FRUGAL FIND OF THE DAY: Kat Fight, Dina Silver {$2.99 or Borrow FREE w/Prime!}

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Dina Silver‘s Frugal Find Under Nine:

Description of Kat Fight:

Readers everywhere will revel in this sharp-witted, well-meaning whirlwind in author Dina Silver’s hilarious new novel, Kat Fight. In her quest for love, Kat makes every wrong turn, juggling two men, one best friend, and her own deeply confused heart’s desires. Kat Porter is a consummate romantic, eager for her chance to find love and commitment. But after her boyfriend of four years, Marc, begins to grow apathetic and sends her calls straight to voicemail one too many times, Kat finally musters the courage to confront her so-called sweetheart, who seems more interested in dodging her than courting her. Though she’s no fan of ultimatums, Kat is at the end of her considerable wits, and lobs a massive one his way, completely confident that he’ll make the right decision when faced with losing her. He doesn’t. With radio silence from Marc, Kat’s lifelong dream of finding a husband and forging a family is decidedly on the skids. That’s when her childhood friend Julie steps in, forcing Kat on a blind date to help her move beyond the break-up. Not only does Kat botch the setup, she instead finds herself in hot pursuit of Julie’s love interest, Ryan Sullivan. A man who, in addition to literally taking her breath away, is the living, breathing personification of everything Kat wants in a husband. Can Kat connect with the man of her dreams without hurting two of the people she cares most about? At the same time, she must also contend with the quips of her beloved catty coworker Adam, her bi-polar boss Brooke, and a string of comic, unpredictable plot twists. All the while, Kat’s cheeky perspective and generous heart will leave readers adoring every moment of her journey while chuckling and cheering for the ever cute, razor-sharp Kat as she fights to land the love of a lifetime.

 

Accolades:

“Dina Silver does it again! Kat Fight seriously tickles your funny bone. Ms. Silver’s voice is upbeat, humorous and self-deprecating. A fun delightful read!” 

“It’s simply the kind of story that will entertain you, make you smile, and maybe even laugh at a few of your own mistakes.”


Reviews:

Kat Fight currently has a customer review rating of 4.5 stars from 29 reviews. Read the reviews here.

 

Kat Fight is available for purchase at:

Amazon Kindle for $2.99 or Borrow FREE w/Prime!

 

An excerpt from Kat Fight:

PROLOGUE

I’ve always wanted to get married. Not simply because I enjoyed fairy tales and layers of tulle at a young age – and I did – but because I truly wanted a husband and family of my own. My parents divorced when I was nine years old, leaving me desperate for my own chance at getting it right. A chance to meet my soul mate, fall in love, and stay committed. A chance to do things my way. A chance for a normal family with no screaming, no cowering children and no more loneliness.

And while I’ve held onto that dream like a child holds onto a ratty, drool stained blanket, I have never really obsessed about the particulars that are typically important to a bride. Things such as the gown, the flowers and the color scheme never entered into my imagination. So on my actual wedding day, I was a little surprised to realize how meticulously every detail had been attended to.
There I was, all dressed in white with a soft veil loosely brushing against the skin on my face, feeling blissful and resplendent. I wore a strapless satin sheath and in my hands was a bouquet of dark red roses. I started walking slowly towards my groom standing curiously far away from me at the end of the aisle. So far away, in fact, that I was having a difficult time focusing on his face. The more I walked the farther he seemed. I paused at one point to observe the people standing on either side of me on that gloriously sunny day and marveled at them smiling in my direction. It was finally my day. My chance.

Feeling much more secure, I closed my eyes for a second before continuing. When I opened them, I was lying on the lobby floor of my apartment building trying to remember what made me lose consciousness.

CHAPTER ONE:
Marc My Words

I burst off the elevator like a racehorse out of its gate, and run to my desk before Brooke realizes I’ve taken a two-hour lunch. I managed to get most of the groceries home before rushing back to the office, but I had to make one last stop on the way back to get Marc’s favorite salad dressing. Since the only things I’ve learned how to cook in my twenty-six years are baked potatoes, potato skins, spaghetti with jarred sauce and tuna salad – my kitchen is not equipped to make much else – so I knew when I planned this steak dinner for Marc that I would have a ton of shopping to do. I’m sweating as I dump the salad dressing in my desk drawer and then grab my phone and scramble to the conference room for a creative meeting. Adam stops me before I enter the empty room five minutes late.

“Where is everyone?” I ask him.

“Dave cancelled the meeting,” he says, delicately placing an Altoid on his tongue. “Which you would have known if you hadn’t fled the building earlier. You ran out of here like I did when I had that phantom farter in my Bikram yoga class.”

“I’m making dinner for Marc tonight, and work has been so crazy that I haven’t had any time to go to the grocery.”

He looks me up and down as if he doesn’t recognize me. “You’re making dinner for Marc?”

I nod.

“You’d have better success climbing Mount Everest in those dated wedges you’re wearing,” he says and points at my feet.

“Thank you,” I smirk. “But I’m honestly not in the mood for you at the moment. I love you, and I will see you later.”

“Tata,” Adam calls after me.

I finish my work by six-o’clock, and after one last stop to grab Marc’s favorite beer, I’m back at my apartment ready to make dinner. I live alone in Lincoln Park, a city neighborhood just a couple miles north of The Gold Coast area, where my job, and the offices of Lambert & Miller Advertising are located. A brief commute is a must for someone like me who has trouble being on time. My apartment is a microscopic habitat that isn’t referred to as a studio only because there is a cupboard-like kitchenette with doors that separate it from the main room. Besides that, it’s four hundred square feet of home-sweet-home. The unit is located in a century-old Chicago hi-rise that’s two blocks from Lake Michigan; however, my apartment is on the opposite side of the building and overlooks the much less serene Clark Street. This is nice because if I ever happen to sleep through my alarm, I can usually count on the #22 bus to grind its brakes outside my window and wake me up with that clatter instead. I try not to complain too much because at eight hundred bucks a month, the price is right, and I’ve suffered through enough roommates to appreciate any abode as long as I’m the only one living in it. Simple pleasures like my own leftovers in the fridge, my own socks on the floor, and my own long, brown hairy mess in the shower drain.

I asked Marc to come over at eight o’clock, so now I have roughly one hour to pan-sear two steaks, make two baked potatoes (my specialty), rinse and toss the salad, bake the Pillsbury Crescent rolls and soften the filling for the cannolis, Marc’s favorite dessert.

Things between Marc and I have been strained lately. He’s been so busy with work, that we haven’t spent any time alone together over the past few weeks. I’m hoping this dinner will not only give us time to reconnect, but also give Marc a renewed sense of appreciation for what we have. When he moved to Chicago for work last year, everyone assumed we’d get engaged soon after. Including me.

I initially fell for Marc in college, and I fell hard. He definitely brought out the best and the worst in me. I’d never fought with any boyfriends before Marc, so the few times I would find myself screaming at him about something, I was really surprised at my behavior because I hate arguing. I hate listening to people argue and I hate being in the middle of an argument. But after years of listening to my parents rip each other apart, I figured those were the struggles you had to endure for unconditional love. That to have someone care about you like that, you had to suffer a little bit too. “Some things are worth the fight, Kat,” my mom would tell me after one of her fights with my dad. Then they divorced.

But despite my arguments with Marc, there was always a lot of love between us. In fact, there were times when I thought no one else in the world would ever be capable of loving me as much as he did, even my own parents. If my parents truly cared about me, they never would have broken our family apart. They never would have made my sister and I choose whose house we wanted to go to for Thanksgiving – or who we’d rather have sitting in the bleachers during our ice skating show – or who we’d rather celebrate our birthday’s with. Choices that made my stomach turn. Choices that made me soak my floral bedspread with tears. Then Marc came into my life and repaired my heart; he loved me unconditionally at one time and I was wise enough to appreciate it.

My cat Curtis is shout-meowing at me, so I tear open a can of tuna and dump it in his bowl. At about five minutes to eight I decide to pour myself a glass of wine and heat up the cast iron pan. I double check the recipe book which confirms to heat the pan slowly, that way, by the time Marc gets here he can have a beer while I finish up the meal. Small, non-threatening billows of smoke begin to rise from the empty pan at about ten past eight, so I lower the flame. At eight-fifteen I send Marc a quick text, also non-threatening, asking what time he thinks he’ll be here. At eight-thirty I turn the flame off and call him at the office. There is no answer. I call back five minutes later in case he was in the bathroom or something. Still no answer. At nine o’clock, I put everything back in the fridge, send another text and microwave myself a baked potato. At nine-thirty I get a text from Marc saying that he’s in a meeting, and that’s when I begin to lose my shit.
“Can you believe him!?” I scream aloud, although Curtis and I are alone in the apartment. And despite the volume, he sleeps through my outburst.

My stomach churns into a tightly wound mess as soon as I realize that, once again, Marc has simply brushed me off like an annoying fly buzzing in his ear. As I bravely prepare to call him for the third time in twenty minutes, I wonder which of his canned excuses he might use this time: ‘Someone is in my office’ or ‘I’ve got another call’ were likely candidates, but I am determined nonetheless. I take a deep breath; I pick up the phone and dial his number again. I can feel the blood racing through my veins as the line rings and goes straight to voice mail.
“Unbelievable!”

My throat clenches as I pace the dusty hard wood floor of my tiny apartment before sitting on the couch. Then I take a sip of wine, a deep breath and snatch the phone from the table in front of me. Tears of frustration began to blur my vision, but I remain undeterred and repeatedly dial his number until I hear his voice on the other end.

“Marc Nolan,” he says curtly, as if it were one word.

“Where are you?” I blurt out.

“I’m at work, you just called me here,” he says.

I straighten my spine. “We need to talk,” I respond swiftly, shocked to hear both his voice and the apathy in it.

“Kat, I have someone in my office and I can’t talk now.”

I wasn’t surprised by his response, and in that moment the memory of countless other unreturned phone calls and texts come pouring down like a hailstorm. Like the time when my car died in front of Costco and I had to transport a trunk load of unbagged household crap into a taxi because Marc refused to answer his phone during the Bears game. And the time when I cooked lunch for him one Sunday and he never showed up. I sat and watched cheddar cheese congeal on two tuna melts because his phone was on vibrate. But I always forgive him because I love him. That’s what I do, and that’s what he expects from me. Why shouldn’t he?

“Then I’ll be brief,” I bravely interject, hoping he won’t hang up before I get everything out that I want to say. A fire has erupted inside of me as I stare at my empty kitchen. “I want you to leave me alone. I’m sick of your bullshit, Marc, so lose my number and don’t ever call me again,” I say as my hands begin to shake along with my lower intestine. Not exactly the confidence-laden monologue that I jotted down on the spiral notebook in front of me, but as the words exit my mouth, a wave of contentment washes over me.

 

Kat Fight is available for purchase at:

Amazon Kindle for $2.99 or Borrow FREE w/Prime!

 

Connect with Dina Silver:

Author Website: www.dinasilver.com

Author Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/One-Pink-Line/235260919862358

Author Twitter Page: @DinaSilver

THE FRUGAL FIND OF THE DAY: Slouching Towards Bellingham, Anneke Campbell {$2.99 or Borrow FREE w/Prime!}

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Anneke Campbell‘s Frugal Find Under Nine:

Description of Slouching Towards Bellingham:

What if people saw the Virgin in a teen-age girl rather than a grilled cheese sandwich? Author Anneke Campbell works that premise here, wondering how we’d react 2012 years after the first virgin birth. The result’s deliciously reminiscent of a box of lemon bars—a little bit sweet, a little bit tart, and you can’t stop eating. (Or reading as the case may be.) She’s created a generous helping of wistful magic mixed with equal parts knowing satire–sort of Alice Hoffman meets Nora Ephron.


Accolade:

“An extremely well-written and vividly descriptive story, with glitches of sarcasm and the perfect amount of humor. I love that Campbell covers pretty much every imaginable reaction to a virgin being pregnant in a small American town in today’s climate: a doctor tries to find a viable scientific explanation, a journalist writes on op-ed on the girl drawing parallels to the financial industry, a teenage girl the protagonist’s age sets up a support group on Facebook… This is an incredibly imaginative, thoughtful, and beautifully-crafted book”

 

Reviews:

Slouching Towards Bellingham currently has an Amazon reader review rating of 5 stars from 13 reviews. Read the reviews here.

 

Slouching Towards Bellingham is available for purchase at:

Amazon Kindle for $2.99 or Borrow FREE w/Prime!

 

An excerpt from Slouching Towards Bellingham:

“What was that up ahead, slouching towards Bellingham, shaped roughly like a blue egg on matchsticks? Joe Dupree pushed his glasses up on his nose, shifted the mailbag onto his other shoulder, and picked up his pace. His right hip socket talked back at him louder than usual, which was to be expected in this weather, in the damp and threat of more snow. Could the egg be causing the footprints he’d been following, foot long and humanoid, as if from a creature dropped by a flying saucer, or, judging by the wheel tracks, let out of a truck on old Route 37?

Joe turned and walked up the first driveway of the Sycamore Hills Subdivision. He rang the bell and while he waited for a response, peered back over his shoulder, but his vision blurred the blue, and there flashed in his mind’s eye the prescription for new bifocals sitting on the mantel at home three months already. Because of his slow ways, here he couldn’t tell what he was seeing between the bare trees and bungalows. Something was up, this he knew from his internal weather, from an edge of alertness not caused by a thermos full of java.

Not that Joe was a superstitious man. He would be the first to tell you, his were sore but realistic bones. At work this morning, when the office manager recited the newest evidence of government cover-ups, with others throwing in their conspiracy theories, Joe said nothing. People believed what they wanted to believe, and all the talk could not assuage the underlying fear of more lay-offs and wage cuts, of a collapsing economy, of terrorism or natural disasters heading their way. It must be reassuring to believe that some devious persons were in control. A few of the other carriers could stick around for hours, deriving comfort from mouthing off, but he preferred to be out here under the open expanse of grey, with the quiet broken only by the rush of cars and barking of dogs.

The door opened to a man in a robe.

“Mornin’, Mr. Hogmeyer,” Joe said. “How ya doin’?”

“Could be worse, could be better.”

“Sign here, please?”

“Think we’ll have a white Christmas?”

“That’d be nice,” Joe agreed. He liked to be friendly, chat about the weather, ask after a relative or animal, although that was harder now his memory for names wasn’t as keen as it used to be, and less so since the switch of route two years ago. Walking the West Side for seven years, he had known most residents by name, dog and human. They knew his name too, and that he liked those home baked sugar cookies at Christmas, loading him up until he had to take the surplus to the Salvation Army. Along his new route, it seemed like fewer folks stayed home during the day. Except for Mrs. Deckart at the next house over, who might be waiting, reeking of strawberry perfume, wanting the mail delivered into her hands, which would fondle his, as she talked and talked, trying to keep him there. She would invite him in for coffee. Sorry, he would say, got my job to do.”


Slouching Towards Bellingham is available for purchase at:

Amazon Kindle for $2.99 or Borrow FREE w/Prime!

 

Connect with Anneke Campbell:

The One That Got Away, Kevin Michael & Lacy Maran {$0.99 or Borrow FREE w/Prime!}

The One That Got Away is a two novel Romance collection with a dash of Florida wackiness.

Book One — Relationship Insanity

Audrey’s college reunion takes a turn for the surreal when she goes from dumped to in hot demand when two men start vying for her heart. But who will she choose–the one that got away, or the hunky smitten newcomer?

Book Two — Relative Insanity

Audrey discovers insanity is all relative as a harmless trip to meet her boyfriends parents turns into a crash course in parental misguidance.

What readers are saying:

“Just the right amount of romance and comedy. Five stars” — Amanda Jones

“Don’t let this one get away. Five stars” –PJ Morgan

The average Amazon Reader Review is currently 5 stars {2 reviews}.

Click here to read more about and purchase The One That Got Away for $0.99  or Borrow FREE w/prime from Amazon

Riversong, Tess Hardwick {$3.03}

When Lee Tucker’s husband commits suicide, he leaves her pregnant and one million dollars in debt to a loan shark. Out of options, she escapes to her deceased mother’s dilapidated house located in a small Oregon town that, like her, is financially ruined, heartbroken and in desperate need of a fresh start. Lee’s resilience leads to a plan for a destination restaurant named Riversong, to new chances for passion and love, and to danger from her dead husband’s debt as her business blooms.

Author Tess Hardwick assembles a colorful cast of endearing small-town characters and takes you on a journey that will make you believe in the possibilities of life – even in the face of overwhelming adversity and unimaginable grief. Lee Tucker is the kind of woman you find yourself rooting for long after the last page is read.

A surprising mix of romance, humor, friendship, intrigue and gourmet food – Riversong entertains while reminding you of life’s greatest gifts.

What readers are saying:

“A poignant portrayal of loss expertly blended with redemption, renewal and the love that makes everything possible. If you enjoy contemporary women’s fiction, Riversong won’t disappoint.” Uplifting Women’s Fiction (Christine Nolfi), April 11, 2012

“The characters are so real; it was so easy to lose myself in the story completely” MoonlightReader (Amazon Reviewer,  October 13, 2011)

“Hardwick’s ability to create community, her talent for drawing a clear picture of a down-and-almost-out small town, and her striking portrayal of complex and compelling Lee, make this novel a deep delight of joys and sorrows.”  Cindy Harrison (Amazon Reviewer,  November 7, 2011)

“Wonderful debut! Coming from the Pacific Northwest this book interested me from the beginning. However, I could NOT put it down. Lee Tucker is a well developed character and very likable.  This is a wonderful first book, I think we will come to love Ms Hardwick!” Tonya Speelman “Hoarder of books” (Amazon VINE VOICE reviewer, May 22, 2011)

The average Amazon Reader Review is currently 4 stars {87 reviews}.

Click here to read more about and purchase Riversong for $3.03  from Amazon

Being Light, Helen Smith {$0.99 or Borrow FREE w/Prime!}

When Roy Travers doesn’t come home his wife begins to suspect he has been abducted by aliens, and she enlists the help of a private detective to find him. But Roy was not taken by aliens. The truth is far stranger.

What readers are saying:

“Imagine a satire on Cool Britiannia made by the Coen Brothers.” –Times Literary Supplement

“A screwball comedy that really works.” –The Independent

The average Amazon Reader Review is currently 4 stars {20 reviews}.

Click here to read more about and purchase Being Light for $0.99 or Borrow FREE w/Prime from Amazon

THE FRUGAL FIND OF THE DAY: GRANDPA HATES THE BIRD: Six Short Stories of Exciting, Hilarious and Possibly Deadly Adventure, Eve Yohalem {$2.99}

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Eve Yohalem‘s Frugal Find Under Nine:

 

Description of GRANDPA HATES THE BIRD:

“Alas, it is true. Grandpa hates me. He has always hated me, even before I used his ear as a swing toy (his lobes are so long and flappy!). I can’t imagine why. I assume Grandpa hates me simply because I am the bird—and he is not.”

Everybody loves Bird. Joseph and Maya, Mother and Father, Humphrey the dog, Slick the snake. Everyone except Grandpa, who will stop at nothing to set Bird free. Forever.

• How does the battle begin when Bird and Grandpa are alone together for a whole week?
• See classroom chaos in Bring Your Pet to School Day!
• Exactly what are they hunting at the Aw Shoot archery range?

Fasten your feathers and warm up your wings—here are six collected short stories in the GRANDPA HATES THE BIRD series!

 

Accolade:

By Jill Arent, “All Things Jill Elizabeth”

http://blog.jill-elizabeth.com/2012/01/30/book-review-2/

Without further ado, I bring you a fabulous book in today’s review. Grandpa Hates the Bird, by Eve Yohalem, is a collection of short stories about the adventures of the eponymous Bird and the misadventures of the eponymous Grandpa. My review copy was graciously provided free of charge by the author. AND she has also graciously agreed to provide a giveaway copy, so you can have your very own!

I admit that I’m a bit obsessed with unified short story collections/interwoven stories lately, as evidenced by last week’s post. But do not, for one second, think that is why I am giving this collection such a rave review. Heck, no. This one is entirely owing to Yohalem’s sense of fun, of humor, and of giggle-inducing irony. Let me say right up front: I don’t normally review actual children’s books. When she contacted me about reviewing her book, and told me it was aimed at readers aged 6-10, I almost sent her the standard “sorry, your book sounds lovely, but I just don’t review…” email. Then I read further. Once I saw how she described her book I couldn’t help but review it. Here is what she said: (I hope you don’t mind my using this Eve, but it’s so great that I couldn’t not!)

“GRANDPA HATES THE BIRD is a collection of comic short stories for readers 6-10. There are very few short story collections available for young readers and one advantage to reading them as ebooks is that a parent in a crowded waiting room or stuck in traffic can hand their cranky child their smartphone with a funny story instead of Angry Birds.”

Now don’t get me wrong. I love the Angry Birds (or the Where’s My Water or the Rush Hour or Running Man or whatever game of the day the kids can teach me how to play). I also love the ability to provide entertainment to the kids on the go that things like Angry Birds provides. But I LOVE that someone is out there putting together alternatives to games as a means of doing this. And I LOVE LOVE the manner in which Yohalem accomplished this alternative.

The stories are, in a word, delightful. They are fun, engaging, hilarious, revenge-filled without ever being vengeful. They are cute and heart-warming and contain hidden life-lessons about being a good friend, being honest and trustworthy, and being loving. And they are written in a very easy-going and altogether compelling style that appeals to me as a reader, a step-parent, and someone who is more than occasionally worried that the future of our world is in the hands of kids whose main introductions to reading are video game manuals.

I strongly encourage you to pick this one up and throw it on your phone, ipad, whatever… You – and the kids in your life – will be exceedingly glad you did!


Reviews:

GRANDPA HATES THE BIRD currently has a customer review rating of 4.5 stars with 12 reviews! Read the reviews here.


GRANDPA HATES THE BIRD is available to purchase at:

Amazon Kindle for $2.99

 

An excerpt from GRANDPA HATES THE BIRD:

Excerpt from the story Bring Your Pet to School Day from GRANDPA HATES THE BIRD: Six Short Stories of Exciting, Hilarious and Possibly Deadly Adventure by Eve Yohalem

It was my favorite day of the year: Bring Your Pet to School Day. Most schools do not observe this particular holiday, which I personally believe should be made into a national event like the Fourth of July or Super Bowl Sunday or even National Forest Products Week. But Joseph and Maya go to one of those progressive schools where they believe in hands-on learning. Thus, Bring Your Pet to School Day is an opportunity to learn about biology, animal care, and even geology and puppetry since the pitiful children who are unfortunate enough to live without real pets are allowed to bring in rocks and dolls instead.

The day was warm and I traveled to school via my preferred method of transportation: on top of Joseph’s head, his hair being the closest thing I have to a nest. Bird care books will tell you never to allow a bird to perch higher than yourself because it gives the bird the idea that he is superior to you. Bird care books are right.

There was just one dim spot in my rainbow of happiness, and it was walking next to us. Joseph’s teacher had asked for a grown-up to help with the animal presentations, and Grandma had made Grandpa volunteer. Something about “behavior modification” and how spending time with children and animals might help him “build tolerance” and improve his “attitude.”

Grandpa was dressed from head to toe in full military camouflage. That’s right: a green flack jacket, cargo pants, and black combat boots. It was the same outfit he had worn every day for the last month, ever since he had applied to be a contestant on Killigan’s Island, a new reality TV show where twelve humans struggle to survive on a tropical island with no running water or electricity. Something millions of birds have been doing with ease since the beginning of time, I might add.

I was determined not to let Grandpa ruin my good mood. In fact, I even hoped that Grandma was right and once Grandpa saw what Joseph and I had prepared for the class, he would be so impressed, so charmed and enchanted by my performance, that he would finally appreciate me properly and we would become friends.

Anything is possible, right?

There is only one fifth grade class at Walden Pond School, with nineteen children, most of whom I recognized from past Bring Your Pet to School days. Larissa spends most of every day writing poetry about kneecaps. Harrison is the boy who attended all of pre-kindergarten in a lion costume. I’m not sure anyone noticed. Then there’s Jake. Poor Jake is the class oddball: he likes soccer. He’s good at it, too.

Jake was seated alone at a table for two near the front of the room, holding a plastic animal carrier on his lap. Inside was Beckham, Jake’s ferret. Grandpa went to introduce himself to Mandy the teacher, and Joseph and I took the seat next to Jake. I hopped from Joseph’s shoulder onto the table, and Beckham hissed at me through the wire screen on the end of his carrier. So that’s how it’s going to be, is it? Very slowly, I stretched out my wings to their full green, blue, and red glory. Then I turned my back on the little beast, bent over, and presented him with a full view of what lay underneath my tail.

“Hola, chiquitas y chiquitos!” sang Mandy, a tiny young woman with curly red hair the color of a house finch. Mandy liked to greet the children in a different language every day. Most of the time the children had no idea what she was saying, but they had all been studying Spanish at school since first grade. At this point in their Spanish language studies, every child in the room was able to say, “the air is not toxic,” but not one of them could ask for directions to a bathroom.

“Hola, Señora Mandy!” answered the children.

“Is everyone totally psyched for BRING YOUR PET TO SCHOOL DAY?” Mandy asked, sounding totally psyched herself.

“Yeah!” “You bet!” “Wahoo!” the children shouted back.

“Right on!” Mandy said, pumping a small fist in the air. “First I’d like to introduce you to Joseph’s grandfather. He’s going to help us with our presentations today.”

Grandpa stepped forward. If this were opposite day I would describe the expression on his face as warm and friendly.

“Hi, Grandpa!” the children greeted him.

“Uh, hi,” Grandpa muttered.

There was a long awkward silence that Mandy finally interrupted.

“Thanks, Grandpa! Now how about we hear from some of the students!”

 

GRANDPA HATES THE BIRD is available to purchase at:

Amazon Kindle for $2.99

 

Connect with Eve Yohalem:

Website: http://www.eveyohalem.com/

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Eve-Yohalem/164138753644557?ref=ts

THE FRUGAL FIND OF THE DAY: Corie Universe Feeder, Walter Eckland {$2.99}

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Walter Eckland‘s Frugal Find Under Nine:

Description of  Corie Universe Feeder:

What’s not to love about digging and mud?

Corie: tall, thin, scruffy, female, student, blondish, smart, creative, outspoken, trouble-finding, precocious (whatever THAT means), eager, mature, silly, immature, messy-roomed, imaginative, animal-loving girl ……

……. has actual PERMISSION FROM HER FATHER to dig a hole in the front yard of her house. As an added bonus she can use the water hose, wheelbarrow, shovel, spray paint, a sign and any and all neighborhood friends she wants. After this whole, hole digging event, lots of oddness ensues not just from the aforementioned father, but from her mother, a dog walker, the police chief, the newspaper guy and the scowling town librarian.

Does any good come of this at all? Well, sit down, grab a free cheese sandwich and find out. Oh! One other thing. If you ABSOLUTELY do not like reading, then read this book. It is a tad nutty, nonsensical and sometimes barely even seems like a book.

If you are a parent who has a child that appears to be un-fond of reading, well, then, bribe them to try this by telling them it’s about popcorn, pudding, and Popsicles.

And pickles.

 

Accolade:

5.0 out of 5 stars A fun read!

I bought this book to read aloud to my eight-year-old daughter, simply because it looked like fun. I was not disappointed. Corie, who plants a pickle-and-fish tree in her garden to help feed the world, is a delightful character, who would appeal to any young girl. Her wealth of ideas and her determination to do the best she can for the cause is inspirational without being at all preachy.

This is not a `normal’ book. I expect it would have been passed over by publishers lacking in imagination. The style of writing reminded me a lot of Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. The humour is off-the-wall. But it is a great read for young and old alike, especially out loud.

My daughter’s reaction to having reached the end is perhaps the most telling commentary of all. “No, I don’t want it to finish. I want it to have infinity pages!”

 

Reviews:

Corie Universe Feeder currently has a customer review rating of 5 stars from 10 reviews. Read the reviews here.

 

Corie Universe Feeder is available for purchase at:

Amazon Kindle for $2.99


An Excerpt from Corie Universe Feeder:

One Green Fermented Chapter

A Pickle Sandwich

or

the Pickle Sandwich

or

one Pickle Sandwich

or

THE PICKLE SANDWICH!

Whichever you choose,

all I know is that it started with a/one/the/THE Pickle Sandwich.

And a fish.

 

Two: The Beginning(s)

Corie: tall, thin, scruffy, female, student, blondish, smart, creative, outspoken, trouble-finding, precocious (whatever THAT means), eager, mature, silly, immature, messy-roomed, imaginative, animal-loving girl.

Corie lives in a suburb of a big city in the Northeast. Want to know which city? Well, I can’t tell you that.

The house she lives in:

*is painted white;

*has many rooms including, two and a half bathrooms (Corie still wonders where the other half went);

*has a big, big, big, huge front yard;

*has an even bigger, bigger, bigger, more huge back yard;

*is old;

*contains two irritating older but not more mature brothers;

*has the neatest boy-you-can-get-messy-and-in-big-trouble-after-playing-in-it-and-going-into-the-house-and-lying-upside-down-all-muddy-on-your-bed-to-read-a-book-even-though-reading-is-good-for-you stream next to it;

*has plenty of food;

*contains one dog (although, it is often asked, “Why we can’t have fifteen dogs? That’s silly. I’ll take care of them.”);

*is happy;

*looks good in winter;

*has great snakes in the yard, but that’s another story;

*has a fox who visits the yard;

*is also visited by white-tailed deer, as well as one weird deer with no tail and a goofy limp who eats mushrooms and doesn’t run away when you go outside and look at him;

*and contains a mother and a father.

That snake story is pretty interesting, and I wish I could tell you more about the trouble that whole thing caused but I can’t right now.

Anyhow, anyhoo, anywhatever…

Whenever I get off track and try to tell you something else or go off and tell another story—like the time Smelly Timmy, too young to sled, went down the “world’s most incredible slippery, slidey, sled run in Corie’s back yard that only costs a quarter to use all day” and broke his wrist and lost a tooth, and Corie got mad because she never got her quarter but got in more trouble than he did, even though he welched—whenever I get off track like that and I remember what I was supposed to be doing, I end up saying, “Anyhow, or anyhoo,  or anywhatever,” and then try to get back to the story.

I think.

Anysomething.

It’s a nice house in a nice neighborhood with nice parents and irritating brothers and Corie.

And a pickle and a fish.

 

Two: The Beginning(s) Some More

The pickle.

Listen. Dad, who is not so, so bad as dads go, actually likes pickles. He was home making late lunch, or maybe early dinner, and Corie was Corie-ing around, not doing anything really, but kind of doing it wrong anyway. Dad was making lunch/dinner, and Corie said for the ten-thousandth time, “What’s to eat?”

Dad finally said, “Pickle sandwiches,” even though Corie hates (or as Mom says, “dislikes immensely”) pickles.

The pickle in question:

*was green—and not a nice shade of green like the green stuff that came out the time Corie threw up all over the bedroom after the birthday party thingy happened;

*was wrinkled (aren’t they all?);

*smelled;

*was some new kind that was even bigger than the old kind;

*came from a jar;

*was cold;

*and wouldn’t be eaten by the dog who ate ASOLUTELY ANYTHING (Corie knew this because she had tried feeding the dog ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING).

I’m not going to tell you the name of Corie’s dog. She thinks if you know the name of her dog and what a great pull-you-in-the-sled, chase-you-through-the-house-and-the-muddy-stream, and eat-the-vegetables-you-pass-her-under-the-table-except-for-pickles dog she is, you’ll come to the Northeast and steal her.

That’s why I can’t tell you the name of Corie’s dog and have to just call her “Corie’s dog,” because you might steal her.

Corie’s brothers’ names are Robert and James.

 

Two: The Beginning(s) Still More

The fish in question…

…was served at the early dinner/late lunch on last night’s rice, reheated in the micro-wavy.

At least there were no leftover green beans.

The fish wasn’t that bad, but you never want to admit to your parents that you like fish, or else you’ll get it all the time instead of good dinner stuff like popcorn, pudding, and Popsicles.

Anyhoo.

Dad suggested she eat his extra half of a pickle sandwich and all of the fish, but Corie was way, way, way too full from all that rice, thank you very much.

Brothers Robert/Bobby and James/James came in around then, but they had more important stuff to do like go up to their room and talk about baseball or pick their noses.

If you ask them about the hockey game they’re watching on TV when it’s in the middle of baseball season and it’s clearly a baseball game they’re watching, it’s guaranteed to earn you a bop on the arm; and if you fall down or bump into the wall like the bop really hurts or something, then maybe the brother gets in big or medium trouble and can’t watch baseball for like a month or two years or until there’s enough money in his savings account to pay for college.

Dad said to Corie, “There are people starving all over the world and right here in our very own town, and boy, it would be a shame to waste food, even if it is pickles and fish,” so that’s how all this started.

 

Three Finally

“Well, Dad, I couldn’t agree more.” (They hate it or at least immensely dislike it when you agree with them.) “Dad, it truly, truly, deeply would be a shame to waste a perfectly good pickle half and a hunk of fish that could be used to feed all the starving people in our town, or at least the known universe.”

“But—and I mean, BUT—wouldn’t it be better if we could put this itty, bitty piece of fish and pickle to better use and feed many more people and kids and goats? Wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t it?”

“Anyhow, what I thought was we (you and me and that new shovel I’m not supposed to use because I broke the last one, even though, who would know that a shovel would break if you just accidentally dropped it from the second-floor bedroom window while trying to get a crow off the roof? And no, I did not almost fall out the window with the shovel, since my pants were caught on the bed anyway)…anyhow, couldn’t we just use that new shovel and me and you to plant the piece of fish and the pickle in the front yard and grow a pickle-and-fish tree to feed more people? Couldn’t we? It would grow lots of pickles and fish, and some people like pickles and fish, so we could feed lots of people instead of just one girl who’s pretty full from all that rice anyway.”

“I never get to do anything fun.”

 

[4]

You would expect Dad to give a long, speechless look, like there’s a piece of gum stuck in your hair that’s so long it trails down to your feet and gets caught in the carpet and has twenty colors and maybe marshmallows in it. You’d expect him to say, “I wonder whose child you are anyway and if there REALLY WAS some kind of a mistake between the hospital and the zoo that day, or at least the circus.”

But instead, Dad said, “Sure. Go ahead. Please use the new shovel. Plant the fish and pickle and feed many, many more people in the world. That’s a great idea, and I know you can do it.”

 

The End of the Beginning(s): Five

Which takes half the fun—or at least a third of the fun, or maybe eleven-sixteenths of the fun—out of it, but so what? We’re talking:

digging,

watering,

planting,

outsiding,

new shoveling and

mess-making (approved even!) and

Corie doesn’t have to eat the pickle or fish, which has to be pretty cold and gross now ‘cause it came out of the micro-wavy around ten hours ago.

Pretty good for a Thursday.

That’s how this all began.

 

Corie Universe Feeder is available for purchase at:

Amazon Kindle for $2.99

 

Connect withWalter Eckland:

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